Archive for October, 2006

Tuesday, October 31st, 2006

I got one again. Those chain letters, chain text messages, chain e-mails or what-have-you’s that you need to pass around to ensure a better future for yourself. I’m sick and tired of all that crap. Please stop sending it to me. If not for mercy, then for one of the following reasons:

• I will not send it out. I do not believe that we have a God so ruthless, and vengeful, that he will curse you with one year or a lifetime of miserable agony because you refused to pass on a message pronouncing His existence. I do not need a chain of mail to tell me that God exists. I know He does. He saved my pathetic, despicable, unforgivable ass millions and gazillions of time. I know He does that because He cares (though I will never know why) about me.

• I will not waste my time passing on messages like I’m a zealot of some sort. I am not, but I will proclaim the word of my Lord, in my own little ways.

• I don’t believe that a million chain letters or chain text going around (most of it passed on because of fear of being cursed for eternity) will be more effective than one fervent prayer said to prevent the world from self destructing. So please cut your phone bills and surf time and stop passing on those chain whatever’s to me.

Thank you.

mommy ko

Tuesday, October 10th, 2006

I write now.

And now I do not write fiction. Now, I write as me, and this is how I feel.

I miss my mother. Now, that I’m all grown up, (let’s not talk about maturity level, though, my mother thinks I have that of a six year old) and I’ve seen more than kindergarten, I’m beginning to realize how right she is about things, about the world, and most especially, about me.

She always believed in me. Now that I’m thinking more and more, I wonder where she gets that resilience. I have failed her numerous, in fact countless times (and more so, in fact, in some aspects, I am still failing her continuously), but that faith in me never waned or wavered. She saw strength, where everyone else saw weakness; courage, where everyone else saw blind bravado. She never focused on the dot. She always saw the paper background.

I’ll pull through Mom! I’ll pull through for you, and because of you. Someday I’ll make you proud. I mean I know you are, but someday, you’ll wake up, and find my room clean. Spotless. No dishes on the bed, or water jugs on the floor. Someday my closet will be immaculate. Color coded even. And I know that nothing can make you prouder the day I hike up my maturity level to that of at least, a teen ager :)

I love you Mommy.

And thanks.

For everything.

meantime girl… hay…

Thursday, October 5th, 2006

actually galing to k whel, but i’ve read it before… mejo ganito lang kasi ung feeling ko ngaun….

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s christmas party, or to go dancing with on a saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "the one". You know, the one who you keep in the meantime.

   She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy(or rather kinda tomboy), but you dont look at her as a "real" woman either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. Shes too laid back, too easily amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable - she doesnt make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But shes cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when youre lonely or horny and needs intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You dont hafta wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you dont have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance outta her. She’s not easy but you know she cares about you and she’s attracted to you, and that she’l give you the intimacy you need. And you know you dont hafta explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isnt a beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possiblility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It wont bother her that you’ll get up in the morning(or after the activity) put your pants, say goodbye and go ona date with the woman you’ve been mooning over the week who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just sooo cool… Why cant all women be like that?!

   But deep down, if you really think about it(which you proly dont because to you, the situation between the two of you isnt important enough to merit any real thought) you know that its really not fair. You know that altho she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you dont think shes good enough to spend any real time with.

   Sure, its mostly her fault, because she doesnt hafta give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But  you and she both know that she proly couldnt pull it off. May be she’s too short, or a lil overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead..Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or  think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

   She doesnt captivate ypu with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly She blends in the crowd. She’s safe. She doesnt want to be the center of attention and turnthe heads of everyone in the room. but she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact she proly has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The-Mess-That-Is-Your-Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because altho youve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

   Anyway, yeah. Ima meantime girl, still being one. I dunno the reason, really, and at this point i dun even care. I just want to let every guy know, who’s ever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl, that we may be a lot fun, but we cry too, a lot.

   And someday we wont be around.

tonch II

Monday, October 2nd, 2006

Brainstorm

take me away from the norm

I got to tell you something

this phenomenon

I had to put it in a song

and it goes like

Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
whoa, shades of gold displayed naturally

you ought to know what brings me here

you glide through my head blind to fear

and I know why

whoa, amber is the color of your energy

whoa, shades of gold displayed naturally

Whoa, amber is the color of your energy

whoa, shades of gold displayed naturally

You live too far away

your voice rings like a bell anyway

don’t give up your independence

unless it feels so right

nothing good comes easily

sometimes you gotta fight

Whoa, amber is the color of your energy

whoa, shades of gold displayed naturally

launched a thousand ships in my heart, so easy

still it’s fine from afar, and you know that

whoa, brainstorm take me away from the norm

whoa, I got to tell you something

-amber/311

‘Twas nice seeing you again, man! *mwah*